Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders.
Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles can be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metallic shavings can be removed with scouring powder and soap. When waxing diskettes, make sure application is even. This will allow the diskettes to spin faster, resulting in better access time.
Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit in the drive. "Big" diskettes may be folded and used in "little" disk drives.
Never insert a disk into the drive upside down. The data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive.
Diskettes can't be backed up by running them through the copier machine. If your data is going to need to be backed up, simply insert two diskettes together into the drive. Whenever you update a document, the data will be recorded on both diskettes.
Diskettes should not be inserted into or removed from the drive while the red or green light is flashing. Doing so could result in smeared or possibly unreadable text. Occasionally the red or the green light continues to flash in what is known as a "hung" or "hooked" state. If your system is "hooking" you, you will probably need to insert a few coins before being allowed to access the disk drive.
If your diskette is full and you need more storage space, remove the disk from the drive and shake it strongly for two minutes. This will pack the data enough (Data Compression) to allow for more storage. Be sure to cover all the openings with scotch tape to prevent loss of data.
Data access time can be greatly improved by cutting more holes in the diskette cover. This will provide more simultaneous access points to the disk.
Never use scissors and glue to manually edit documents in the floppy disk. The data stored is much too small to be seen with the naked eye, and you may end up with data from some other document stuck in the middle of your document. Razor blades and scotch tape may be used, provided the user is equipped with an powerful microscope.
Periodically spray diskettes with insecticide to prevent system bugs from spreading.
If you have a disk that is infected with a virus, do not place it near your other disks, because the virus might crawl out infecting the other disks also.
A disk can be used as an ice scraper or a frisbee without the fear that it might be damaged. Beware too rough throws though, since the files on the disk may drop out as a result. Lost files may be difficult to search from a long grass for example.
In this time of CD's and DVD's, disks can become useless. Try to use your old disks as: paper weights, fishingnet weights, house decorations or shooting targets. They are useless in every purpose, damn!
When you get married, attach 100 disks with strings to the rear bumper of the wedding car. Then drive around the city until every disk is detached. What a great way to get rid of all those disgusting pieces of s***! It's not recommended to get married just for this reason though.
Donate all your disks to the poor. They are accepted with great pleasure, especially in the Christmastime. Oh, how noble!