What do you call a nigger drinking out of the toilet? Pushing his luck. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other you carry your groceries in. Why was Michael Jackson spotted at K-Mart? He heard boys' pants were half-off. Who does Michael Jackson consider to be a Perfect "10"? Two 5 year olds. Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men? He thought it was a delivery service. After his wife had a baby, Michael Jackson asked the doctor when it would be OK to have sex again. The doctor told him he should wait until the kid was at least 12 or 13 years old. A priest and a rabbi were walking down the side walk. On the other side of the street they see a 12 year old boy. The priest says "Lets go fuck him." The rabbi looks for a minute and then says "Out of what?" What do you call 10 niggers in a steam room? Gorillas In The Mist. How does Santa Claus know he's at a Jewish house? There is a parking meter on the roof. What do you call a fag in a wheelchair? Roll AIDS. What do you throw a drowning nigger? The rest of his family. How do you blind a Chink? You put a windshield in front of him. Why did so few niggers vote for Jesse Jackson? He promised them jobs. Did you hear about the nigger who had a heart attack on Halloween? Somebody came dressed as a job. What do you call a French nigger? Jacues Custodian. How is a nigger like a broken gun? It doesn't work and you can't fire it. What do you call 5 niggers hanging from a tree? A Mississippi wind chime. Why did the nigger cross the road? Who the fuck cares why is he out of the cotton field? What do you call a white man surrounded by 100 niggers? Warden. Do you know why flies have wings? So they can get away from the niggers. What's the difference between a pothole and a nigger? You'd swerve to avoid a pothole, wouldn't you? Why don't niggers stick their heads out of moving vehicles? Their lips catching the wind will beat them to death. What do you call a nigger hitchiker? Stranded. What do you call a nigger after his white girlfriend breaks up with him? Homeless. What's the difference between nigger pussy and a bowling ball? You could eat a bowling ball if you had to. How do you get a nigger to commit suicide? Toss a bucket of fried chicken into traffic. What do you call a nigger with an IQ of 15? Gifted. What's the difference between a truckload of watermelons and a truckload of nigger babies? You can't unload watermelons with a pitchfork! What's black and red, wears high top Reeboks and cant go through a revolving door? A nigger with a spear through his head. What qualifies as good behavior in a ghetto school? Raising your hand before you pop a cap in the teacher. What is a nigger's favorite anti-perspirant? Unemployment. Hear about the black version of "Shogun"? It's called "Shonuff." Did you hear about the nigger and the Mexican who opened a restaurant? It's called Nacho Mama. What do you call a black-midget in Ireland? A lepra-coon. What's the first thing taught in a ghetto driving school? How to unlock a car with a coat hanger. Hear about the new perfume for nigger women? It's called "Eau de doo dah day." What is white and has a black asshole? The Washington D.C. Mayor's office. Why were wheelbarrows invented? To teach niggers to walk on their hind legs. What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe? Canoes tip. What do you call a nigger with a regular job, who doesn't drive a lowrider, sleeps in the same bed every night, doesn't collect welfare, and doesn't rape White women? An inmate. When is the only time you smile and wink at a nigger? When you are looking through the scope on your rifle. What do you call a nigger having sex? Rape. Why don't niggers have check books? They find it too hard to sign their names in spray paint. How can an Ethiopian woman tell when she's pregnant? When she pulls out her tampon and it's half eaten. A man goes into a shop and sees 3 jars on a table. The first jar says "Caucasian Brains, $5.00 a pint". The second says "Asian Brains, $10.00 a pint", and the third says " Nigger Brains, $100.00 a pint." "Hey, why are these nigger brains $100 bucks a pint?" asked the man. The shop owner replied, "You know how many niggers you have to kill to get a whole pint of brains?" A young nigger walked into the local welfare office, marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi, I'm tired of handouts, I want a job." The man behind the counter replied, "Your timing is amazing. We've just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nympho daughter. You'll have to drive around in a big white Mercedes, but the suits, shirts, and ties are provided. Because of the long hours of this job, meals will also be provided and you will also be required to escort the young lady on her overseas holidays. The salary package is $200,000 a year." The nigger said, "Ah c'mon, you're bullshitting me!" The man behind the counter said, "Well, you started it!" A midget walks in to a bar, takes a few shots of whiskey, jumps up on the bar stool and said, "Hey, any of you motherfuckers want to fight me?" A guy 6 feet two inches tall and weighing 253 lbs stood up and said, "I'll fight you!" That little midget jumped on him and beat the shit out of him. Next night the midget walked in and took a few shots, jumped on his bar stool and said, "Hey, any of you motherfuckers want to fight me?" This time an even bigger guy stood up. He was about 6 foot 5 inches and weighed 348 lbs. The midget jumped on him and beat the shit out of him, too. So the bar owner went out and bought a gorilla and locked it in the bathroom. Later that night the midget walked in, took a few shots of whiskey and jumped on the bar stool and asked if there were any sons of bitches that want to fight. This time no one stood up. The bar owner said, "There's a guy in the bathroom that wants to kick your fucking ass." Now the gorilla was in the bathroom for about 6 hours and was really pissed off. That midget walked into the bathroom and there was all kinds of noise for about 2 hours. Finally that midget walked out, sat down all out of breath, looked at the bar owner and said, "Tell that damn nigger his fur coat is in the toilet." Why is there cotton on the top of Tylenol? To remind blacks that they picked cotton before they sold drugs. Why don't Sharks eat Black folks? They think it's whale shit. What happens when you stick your hand into a bag of jellybeans? The black one steals your Rolex What did God say when another black baby was born? OOPS! Burnt another one. Why don't you run over a black guys bike? Because it might be yours! Have you ever heard of Ku Klux Kanieval? He tried to jump 50 blacks with a steam roller. What are three things you can't give a black guy? A black eye, a fat lip, and a job. What do u call two black guys laying down on the street? Skid marks What do u call a school bus full of black kids? A rotten banana What do you call 2 blacks in a sleeping bag? Twix. Why do racists carry chainsaws? Because they go run nigga nigga nigga nigga What's long black and smells like cologne? The unemployment line What do you say to a black man in a three-peice suit? "Will the defendant please rise." A little, short man about 5 foot 5 inches walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. The bar tender looks and him and says, "Hey man, you better get out of here with that shirt on." The man replies "Why?" The bar tender says well first off it says "I HATE NIGGERS". And secondly it's about 10 minutes from now a lot of them come in here from work. The man insists he will be fine. He proceeds to finish his beer, and orders another one. Well right as he is doing so, three blacks walk in and sit down next to him. They order some drinks, and then notice the man's shirt. The first black guy turns to the white man and says what does your shirt say?" The white man turns to the bar tender and says, "The first thing I hate about black guys is they can't read." The second black guy turns to him and says, "What did you say"? The white man again turns to the bar tender and says, "the second thing I hate about black guys is that they can't hear." The third black guy (a huge black guy, 6ft 9in, arms the size of dumbbells, really mean looking) turns to the white man and says, "Would you like to take this outside?" The white man agrees to take it outside. 10 minutes later he returns and sits back down, orders another beer, and says to the bar tender " The third thing I hate about black guys is that they always bring a knife to a gun fight". How do you stop a black baby from jumping on the bed? Put Velcro on the ceiling. How do you get him down? Tell the Mexican kids in the neighborhood it's a piñata What is the difference between a pizza and a black guy? A pizza can feed a family of four What does BFI stand for on a dumpster? Black Family Inside What does NBA stand for? Nothing But Africans Why do black people always have sex on their minds? Because they have pubic hair on their heads. A Black, a Native American and a cowboy were sitting at a bar. The Native American says, "In this country once we were many and now we are few." The Black adds, "In this country once we were few but now we are many." Then the cowboy says, "We just haven't played cowboys and blacks yet" What is hard and long on black people? Third grade What do you call a black guy with no arms and legs? Trustworthy What do u say if its pitch dark in your room and your TV starts to move? "Drop it, nigga." Where does a white baby go when they die? Heaven. What do they get when they get there? Wings. What is it called? An angel. Where does a black baby go when it dies? Heaven. What does it get when it gets there? Wings. What is it called? A bat. What's the difference between a black guy and Batman? Batman can go to the store without robbin'. A Truck Driver has to deliver 330 black Brunswick bowling balls to Arkansas. Along the way he sees a black guy hitchhiking, so he pulls over and says "I'll give ya a ride but there's no room up here in the cab get in the back with the balls." So he does. A little further down the road he sees another black guy with a flat tire on his bike, and he too is lookin' for a ride, so the driver tells him that he'll be glad to give him a ride but he has to ride in back with the balls. He agrees. So just as there getting into Arkansas they get pulled over by a detective and a rookie. The detective tells the rookie to get the drivers credentials and he'll check the cargo. As the rookie is getting the paperwork the detective runs to the front of the truck and tells the driver to get the hell out of Arkansas, so he goes on his way. As the two cops are walking back to the car the rookie asks why he let the driver go and he replied, "son, he had a truck full of Negro eggs, two hatched and one already stole a bike. MORE (Some are same as above, sorry!): What do you call a black guy with an Afro? A microphone What do you call a black guy with a new bike? A thief What is the most confusing holiday in the African American community? Father's Day What do you call a bunch of blacks running down a hill? Mudslide I am not racist....I've got a color TV What do you give a black lady after she had an abortion? $50 crime stoppers award I had a black friend once.... but I sold him! What do you call 1000 niggers in the ocean? An oil spill What do you call a 90-year-old black man? Antique farming equipment What do you call two Black guys in the back of a pickup truck? Mudflaps What do you get when you cross a black guy and a gorilla? A dumb gorilla Why don't black guys like blowjobs? Black guys don't like any jobs How do you get a black man nervous? Take him to an auction A lady has always wanted to have sex with a black man. So she goes to a bar and has some drinks. She starts talking to a black man and pretty soon they go to her apartment. She takes off her clothes and jumps on the bed. She says do what you do best? So he grabs the TV and runs. What's the difference between a black guy and a pizza? A pizza can feed the family What's the difference between a black person and a tire? When you put chains on the tire they don't start singing Amazing Grace Why are black people good at basketball? Cuz they can shoot, run, and steal Why are all black people fast? all the slow ones are in jail What is the difference between an Ethiopian and a pair of jeans? A pair of jeans only has one fly on them Why do black people have big lips? So they can suck the coins out of parking meters What do you call 9 black guys buried up to their necks in sand? Afro-turf How do you get a black guy to wear a condom? Put a Nike symbol on it What is long, black, and smelly? An unemployment line How do you kill 20 flies at one time? Smack a little Ethiopian in the face with a newspaper. I don't have anything against blacks.....I think everyone should own one. Why do black people smell so bad? So blind people can hate them to What do you call a 100 black guys skydiving? Night. What do you call a Queer Eskimo? A snow blower What you get when you cross a queer Eskimo with a black guy? A snow blower that doesn't work Did you watch "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" last night? The person replies, "No." "Yeah, they had a black guy on and he couldn't get passed the $100 question, and used all of his life lines too." Person asks, "What was the question?" "Who's your daddy?" What do people and jellybeans have in common? Everybody hates the black ones. Why do white people in black neighborhoods use clear plastic trash bags? So black people can do window-shopping Why do white people go to black peoples garage sales? To get their stuff back A black man was walking and he came by a lake. At the lake he saw a Chinese man skipping rocks across it. The rocks were making sounds as they went across. CHING CHANG CHONG. The black man asked what he was doing. He said he was communicating with his ancestors. The black man said, "let me try that". He picked up a rock and skipped it across the lake. They went CHIM-PAN-ZEE. He got mad, picked up a big log and threw it down, it went BABOON! Ok, there is two black guys walking down the street, and they see a building that says "Talent Show". They decide to go in. The talent is to turn black people into white people. The talent show costs 99 cents. One black guy has $1 and the other has 98 cents. The one with 98 cents tells the one with the dollar to go in first and then give him the penny so he can turn white. So the one with the dollar goes in. He comes out white. "WOW!" Says the other, "can I have the penny now?" The other says "Fuck you, black guy, get a job!" There's a bartender who is always getting his bar messed up by big guys. So he goes to pet shop to get an animal to protect him. He gets a gorilla and puts it in his bar with a string of bananas in front of him. If you move the bananas from the gorilla he will go crazy and beat people. Well the next day a 6 foot 6 275 pound guy goes into the bar and starts tearing the place apart. The bartender pulls the string and the gorilla kicks the guy's ass. The next day a 7 foot 4, 450 pounder goes into the bar and tears it up so the gorilla kicks the guy's ass. The next day, a Pollack whose 5 foot and 95 pounds goes in there and starts causing trouble so the bartender releases the gorilla and the Pollack kicks the gorilla's ass. As the Pollack is dusting himself off he says, "give a nigger a fur coat and he thinks he owns the world." What do you call a black-man that stutters? A co-coon Why do black women carry big purses? So they can carry their lipstick with them What's the difference between a working black man and big foot? People have seen big foot Did you hear about that black guy they found on the bottom of that river in Arkansas with 200 bullet holes in him...the local sheriff called it the worst case of suicide he had ever seen in his life. Did you hear about that black guy they found on the bottom of that river in Arkansas with 300lbs of chains wrapped around him...the local sheriff said, "just like a goddamn black guy, stole more chains than he could swim with" How do u see a black man at night? Make them Smile! Two black guys walk into a bar and they see a white guy in a Klan hat and he says, "no blacks allowed." The black guys say, "didn't you ever hear of the Emancipation Proclamation?" The guy in the klan hat says, "no, I don't listen to hip hop." How do you stop 10 black guys from fighting? Throw them a basketball. A black kid is so depressed at his color that he whitewashes himself to see what it's like. He walks in to show his mom and gets a smack round the ear for his trouble. Hurt but determined he goes to see his dad and show him, and gets the beating of his life. After fleeing the house he sits on a park bench, crying. An old lady comes over and asks, "What's the matter sonny?" The kid replies, "I've only been white for half an hour and I hate those black bastards already!" What do you get when you throw a basketball into a slave ship sailing across the world? Harlem Globetrotters What do you call a black abortion center? Crime-stoppers of America Why do blacks wear white gloves when eating candy? So they do not bite their finger off when eating a Tootsie Roll. Why did God give black men big cocks? As a way of saying I am sorry for putting pubic hair on their heads. What do you call 2 black guys on a bike? Organized Crime What do you call the black Toys R Us? We Be Toys Why did so many Blacks die in the war? Cause when the colonel yelled "Get down!" they all got up and started dancing. How do you keep a black from stealing anything in your store? Put a 'Helped Wanted' sign in the window What do you call 10,000 black guys running down the mountain? Jailbreak What is it called when a white cop shoots a black man? He had a gun. What is it called when a white guy pushes a black guy down the stairs? He fell. There are three guys sitting at a bar: a German, an Italian, and a black guy. Jesus Christ himself walks into the bar and over to them. He touches the German guy and says, "broken leg, you're healed." Then Christ walks to the Italian touches him and says, "sprained ankle, you're healed." Both men are now healed and then Christ walks over to the black guy and goes to touch him, and he pulls away quickly and shouts, "don't touch me I am on disability!" What did a black say when crossing the Zebra Crossing? Now you see me, now you don't... What time is it to go to bed at Michael Jackson's house? When the big hand is on the little hand. What do JC Penny and Michael Jackson have in common? They both have boys' pants half off. What do Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, and an educated black person have in common? They don't exist What do black men and sperm have in common? Only one in a million work. Why did they invent white chocolate? So little black kids can get messy two. Why don't blacks like aspirin? Because its white, it works, and you have to pick cotton to get to it What do you call 1 white guy surrounded by 3 black guys? In trouble What about 5 black guys? Coach 10 black guys? Quarterback 1000 black guys? Warden 50,000,000 black guys? Prime Minister of South Africa Did you hear about the new lipstick for black people? It comes in a spray can. What do you call a black man floating up a cliff? Black Magic What do you do when you see a black guy jogging? Trip him and hand the lady's purse back to her. Have you heard about the NEW black Barbie? It comes with 12 kids, AIDS, and a welfare check. What does N.A.A.C.P stand for? Now Apes Are Called People What did the black man tattoo on his lip? Supercalifragilisticexpialadocious What is the black community's favorite football team? The Pittsburgh Stealers How do you confuse a black kid? Ask him what his father does for a living. Why do blacks get their cars lowered? So they can reach the cotton. What does FUBU really stand for? Farmers Usted to Buy Us. What did the Trix rabbit say to the black man when he asked for money? Silly nigger, money's for white people. A white man walks into a bar and says to the black bartender. "Nigger, get me a beer." The bartender replies, "excuse me?" "Did you not hear me? I said 'nigger get me a beer.'" The bartender, now very upset, says, "don't you feel that you should talk like that in this day and age". "I will if I want to," said the white man. "I'm the one ordering." The bartender says, "How would you feel if we changed places?" The white man agrees and goes behind the counter. The black man, now the customer says, "Cracker Jack ass-hole, get me a beer". The white man turns to the black man and says, "We don't serve niggers!" Why do black people have flat noses? That's where god put his feet when he was ripping off their tails. What's positive about Africans? HIV Why are black peoples hands white? Because everyone has a little bit of good in them How many feet does a black rooster have? How many wings does a black rooster have? How many teeth does a white cat have? How come you know more about black cock than white pussy? Why do black guys wear wide brimmed hats? So birds won't shit on their lips. How did break dancing originate? Black kids stealing hubcaps from moving cars Why cant black people celebrate Thanksgiving? Cause KFC isn't open on holidays A black husband and wife are sitting in the living room watching the TV with their year-old baby. Suddenly the baby wails "Mother!" The husband jumps up in excitement and says, "Did you hear that? Our son just said half a word!" What do you call a black family reunion? A riot What do you call a baby black boy? A Niglet -gridironpunk What would you call Dr. Evil of the Austin Powers movies if he were black? Evil, DOCTOR would imply intelligence. What would you call Mini-Me if he were black? Niglet. If Tarzan and Jane were black, what would Cheetah be? The brains of the outfit. I'm not racist, I wear black What do you call a black smurf? A Smigger- Kevin M., CT Why did the black guy cross the road? To get the chicken A man wants a brain so he goes to this place were you could buy brains. So he sees this Chinese brain this White brain and a Black brain. The Chinese brain is 500 dollars. The white brain is 1000 dollars, and the black brain is 1500 dollars. The man asks the manager " Why is the black brain so expensive." The manager replies "Cause its never been used" What do you call a black prostitute, with braces that is about to give you head? A black 'n' decker pecker wrecker How is a grocery bag and Michael Jackson similar? Both made of plastic and are dangerous to children. What do black people get when they pick their noses? Noogers Why do black people have white palms and white soles? Because when god made them they were being sprayed black on a conveyor belt and they were on all fours. Why are monkeys always frowning? Because they know in another million years they'll turn into black people. What do you call a black man with lots of zits and pimples? Nestle crunch. Why are black guys so cool? They can’t afford heating. What does a black guy and an apple have in common? They both look good hanging from a tree! A man walks into an antique store and looks around. He spots a shelf with golden statues and a cat statue catches his eye. The salesman tells him it costs $100 for the statue and $50 for the story that comes with it. The man says to hell with the story purchases the cat statue and begins walking home. As he's walking home he notices more and more cats beginning to follow him and he starts running. The cats run behind him, he jumps a fence, so do the cats. Finally he comes by a lake and throws the statue in, the cats follow and drown. The next day the man comes back to the antique store. "Ah, back for the story aren't you? He says, "no, but how much for that golden statue of Martin Luther king?" What’s the frontier between man and animal? The Mediterranean Sea (Hint: It separates Europe and Africa) Who invented the triathlon? Blacks: you go to the swimming pool by walking, you swim, and you come home with a bike. What said Jesus to the blacks before he left? Don’t do anything before I come back. What did Abraham Lincoln say after a 3 day drinking binge? I freed who?! Why are black people getting stronger? Because TVs are getting heavier What did the White Trix rabbit say to the little nigger that tried to sit in the front of the bus? Silly Nigger Rights are for Whites Why are the trees in Harlem so close together? For public transportation What do u get when a bunch of black people standing under the Empire State building? Pubic Hair!